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Too many women, single or married, childless or mothers, are endlessly fulfilling every obligation except the one to themselves. For your mental, physical, and psychological well-being, you sometimes just need to stop. Then you need to do something you want to do. You need to take some Me Time.
The truth is, making time for yourself is an art, and like every art, it requires practice.
Perhaps you struggle with the guilt you imagine comes with making time for yourself. "Isn't it selfish to focus on yourself?" you may wonder. Actually, it's selfish not to spend time with yourself. Best-selling author of "The Artist's Way," Julia Cameron says, "Every time you commit to some self-nurturing project, there’s the voice of your conditioning that raises its head and says, Oh dear, aren’t you being selfish. We lose ourselves because we are afraid of being selfish, but when we turn around and take care of ourselves, we actually become much happier and more generous."
You may be afraid that making time for yourself will affect your performance on the job, but if you don't take time to rest and rejuvenate, eventually you won't have a self to worry about.
Like many things, Me Time is all the more wanted the rarer it gets. In their recent book, What Women Really Want, pollsters Celinda Lake and Kellyanne Conway discovered that women across all strata of society feel overwhelmed with the insatiable demands on them. When they asked what women wanted more of in their lives, the two most popular answers were “peace” and “time.” They were talking about a sense of serenity and control over their lives. The women polled also said they would like more sleep, and that they battle the “guilt that creeps in whenever they take a break.”
There aren’t that many breaks, though. The Families and Work Institute (FWI) found that working mothers spend both more time at the job and more time with their kids than their counterparts did 25 years ago. Where are they finding that extra time? “It’s coming from time for themselves,” says Ellen Galinsky, FWI president.
Marianne Legato, a cardiologist, Health Advisory Board member, and author of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, can tell you why: “If you never have any time except reactive time—things you must do for others—you don’t have a sense of control. You are interrupted all the time. Your brain has trouble resting even during sleep. Such chronic exhaustion increases the release of stress hormones, and your blood sugar rises.” If this is your normal state, then the physical consequences increase your risk of diabetes, heart disease, and memory problems. If that’s not enough to scare you into taking some time for yourself, consider this: The hormonal effects of always being on edge help deposit fat right around your waist.
There are more than physical benefits to getting off this treadmill. Taking a break will actually make you discharge your responsibilities better. Galinsky’s surveys show that people who are happiest at work are those who take time for themselves. “If you shift your focus, you go back to the other areas of life with more energy,” she says. “You’re less stressed, more satisfied with life in general.”
So what is Me Time?
First, it can’t be something you hate doing but feel you have to do. Take going to the gym. For some women it’s a really important tool for retaining their sanity but on the other hand a lot of women use it as punishment for eating, or see it as an obligation. If that’s you, then exercise doesn’t count as Me Time.
What is nourishing for one person can be a burden to someone else. If a book group doesn’t appeal to you, maybe an art class does. For some women, it is a serving of quiet while for other women surrounding themselves with a strong network of friends enhances their satisfaction with life and even their health.
Your first step will be to try to think about yourself as someone you have committed to help have a more enjoyable life, and plan things for her! Begin by scheduling time for yourself. Actually write it in your diary so you don't plan to do anything else at that time. Make a list of things you’d like to do that refresh and inspire you and choose from your list. You might need to start with a once a week appointment with yourself and gradually build up to whatever feels comfortable for you.
Here are a few self-nurturing activity ideas to get you started –
1. Write in Your Journal
A good idea is to get up 10 or 15 minutes earlier each morning for this activity.
2. Dance
Do this at home in the morning after everyone else has left the house or anytime you need a quick attitude change. Shut the blinds. Take off your shoes. Put on your favorite dance music and boogie. You'll emerge ready for anything.
3. Have Lunch with a Friend and a Take Quick Walk
What could be better than catching up with a friend? And don't forget the walk. Walking is tool that is phenomenally helpful as it clarifies our thinking if we get out and walk.
4. Make a "Treasure Map" Collage
A treasure map is an actual, physical picture of your desired reality. It is valuable because it forms an especially clear, sharp image, which can then attract and focus energy into your goal. So, if you really want that raise, advanced position or new home, get out your scissors, old magazines, and glue, and create your dream on paper first.
5. Research your next Family Vacation
Why should the travel agent have all the fun? Nothing beats browsing the bookstore, library or internet to get ideas for future family vacations.
6. Correspond with a Far-away Friend
With the introduction of e-mail, letter writing is becoming a lost art form. When you write by hand, it's special. Take your time, speak from your heart and rediscover forgotten parts of yourself that your faithful friend always remembers.
7. Attend a Weekly Support Group
Attending a support group is vital when you need extra help. Whether you are trying to quit a bad habit, grieving the loss of a loved one, or gathering with other busy moms to share strategies, the wide variety of support groups available, suit every need. Check your local phone book for a complete listing of groups in your area.
8. Take an Art, Dance, Singing or Yoga Class
While signing your children up for those enriching evening and weekend classes, don't forget to sign yourself up too. Many programs offer separate classes for children and adults at the same time.
9. Get a Massage
After you drop the kids off for school or sports, you might head to the local spa for a massage. If you have time, a ten-minute hot tub or steam bath will increase the overall relaxation effect.
10. Meditate
In the west, meditation can be walking, writing or even dancing. You'll discover that meditation simply means developing your capacity for rich experience.
11. Cruise an Art Gallery or Museum
Give yourself a full hour to wander, soaking in the energy and appreciation of other people's genius. Consider becoming a member and visiting weekly.
12. Workout at the Gym
This is sound advice for everyone, but especially for executives whose jobs require long periods sitting at a desk. If you need help getting motivated, enroll in a fun class like kickboxing, Tae Bo or yoga.
Most importantly, enjoy yourself. The more you do, the easier scheduling pleasure into your hectic schedule will become. You deserve it.
A piece of essential wisdom about our lives is broadcast every time a plane takes off. No, it’s not about your tray table. It’s this: If the oxygen mask drops and you’re traveling with small kids, put yours on first—before you help them.
Maybe sometimes all you need is permission to do what you need to do to keep yourself sane. To breathe, and be happy. Think of this as your permission slip.
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