Pause

Don’t we all like to think of ourselves as a super hero character? As women we are universally the same inside. We can do more, be more, think more and have more than our mothers, grand mothers and partners in life. We can run business empires and simultaneously multi-task our arms and legs to co-ordinate lunch boxes, walk the dogs, unplug the sink, apply picture perfect make-up and have the time and energy to cook, shop and fit in gym. We know our lives. They are crazy - busy - busy - busy.

But what happens when all of that becomes too much and something inside slips a notch or three, your energy reserves drop, your ability to snap back to normal and be bouncy again doesn’t seem to function and the sparkle disappears? More often than not our bodies start telling a story to us if we are willing to listen. But are we always willing to listen? I believe that sharing stories can often help others so this is a snippet of mine. Over the past two years I have been in jhb and most people know that my heart rests by the sea and in big open spaces, so jhb is a huge sacrifice for me. For now. Although I came here as a result of a break up in my relationship, it was also a perfect place to start up my exciting business ventures. And JHb has been very kind to me.

Fairly recently I met the most incredible person I have come across in my life, literally. Everything about them intrigues and surprises me, makes me want to be more than who I am and really excites me. Other people who share our space say we feel as though we have been together for years, and that is how it feels for me inside too. I am by nature spontaneous, impulsive and have gotten into and out of many things fairly swiftly because of it. My life now as a life coach is to learn to look at patterns and see what could be improved upon, tempered and maneuvered. But, all too quickly I went head long into full swing relationship…. my heart was telling me to. My head started doing other things. Nurglies playing around. Was I repeating old patterns that haven’t always served me? How could I change that to make better choices?

My body started getting sick two weeks ago: a revolting, all-consuming infection that I have only just begun to shake. I know I needed time out to process all the significant changes in my life and give myself some priority. I had no energy, no sparkle and no interest, which really is the opposite of who I am and how I live life. I had fevers, viral infections and all consuming headaches. I was even closing the bathroom blinds to get the light out. I felt so helpless and lost. As soon as I started to get better and feel vaguely human this week I realized that I was processing the feelings of being scared of moving forward into such delight, and scared of the pace into which I had thrown myself into this beautiful new relationship. I suddenly felt as though I didn’t know who I was anymore at some level, what I was meant to be doing…. When my body was sick it had been trying to give me time off to process, understand and make sense of life. I am not sure I gave myself time out to really listen over those two weeks. I was still trying to do too many things. So eventually when feeling better in my physical body, I then started feeling worse in my emotional body. Just as I was thinking hooray I am over this bout of illness, I clearly needed to stop again and look deeper. Just for one moment to press the pause button. Pause is so difficult. But pause is essential every now and then. My life literally demanded it.

So whilst writing this I am on “pause”. I have had to risk the possibility of losing, deeply hurting and letting down this amazing person that I have grown to love so quickly, to find a way to re-connect to myself again. Purely because one of my first natures is to dive in headlong. I want to be clear from all my past baggage so as not to inflict it in this relationship as best I can. I want this relationship to be for real, to be forever. It is thus a breaking of patterns. I have to admit I am not superwoman, business mogul and “miss dynamity” all the time. I am frail and human too. Hard to love myself in this moment. So “pause” is for me to say hello to myself again. To re-think all my choices and where I want to be in life. Make all the dots meet and then add glitter on top of that picture. I have chosen to take some time out for a few days to double check who I am and where I’m going and what are some of the things I yearn to be different. The fear that started consuming me about all the possible changes is giving me the gift of not being able to make some decisions right now. Just not for today. You know the time of life where you are ready to take a step but not ready to move at the same time. Now girls these are really really deep vulnerabilities I am sharing with you, so tread lightly on my heart as you read, cos my story is your story, and your story is mine too. We all share pain and hurt. There are times in my life when I too need to stop the world and get off for a few days. Perhaps I had been so busy with everyone else’s lives as my clients that I had let my own deep spiritual desires take second place. Time to pause. And breathe.

So girls, what does it all boil down to? We are given choices and opportunities every single moment. How do we make those choices work for us? All I can offer you is the reminder that in that most difficult times that you face, you can only ever revert to the things that you love and know will feed your soul. Each and every one of us has a few things that remind us who we are. What connects you back to your true authentic self? What allows you to breathe deeply? What really feeds your soul right now? For me it is the simple act of yoga and writing, and drinking loads of water. Those three things give me space and time to heal.. Just for a few days so I can talk to my soul and take the next step. The right step. How do you recognize your personal breaking point that will lead you to pause? Mine was waking up and busting into tears when my neighbour made me coffee. Pause! When last did you offer yourself the gift of doing just that? Just for you so that you can once again offer the world a refreshed, revitalized version of yourself? If you recognize yourself in my story, then take the gift of time with yourself, to re-discover your magic. It is never far away, but we have to be willing to look for it, sometimes hidden under the mud. And sometimes the mud gets slung at us.

I wish you a moment to pause and look at your life. It works wonders.

Source of article - KATE EMMERSON - Life Coach (LCSi UK, Assoc for Coaching)
Supporting women on the Threshold of Making Courageous Leaps
Email - This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
Website - www.life-coaching.co.za
Contact details - 082 3413143

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